1) Spot them- celebrities are sneaky lil devils and often go to great lengths not to be seen*. So, you have to have a keen eye and an operating celeb-radar**. Hint: Celebrities often hang out at airports***
2) Once spotted, make eye contact over 20 seconds in length. This is to let them know that you know EXACTLY who they are****.
3) Make an excuse to get close to them. For example, if you are at the airport, make an effort to retrieve your baggage from the carousel right beside them. This will make it possible for you to "accidentally" bump into them so you can apologize. Prompting them to speak to you.
4) Upon their vocal acknowlegement of your presence on the planet, you must then tell a joke. This joke must refer to their current celebrity based project*****.
5) They will laugh******. You may silently celebrate.
6) Voila! You are now friends with a celebrity!!!!
*Leonardo DiCaprio is a prime example. However, his attempt of putting a jacket over his head and running about is not as sneaky as it sounds.
**The ability/device to spot sneaky celebrities. Some people are born with it. However, if you are not celeb-radar blessed- it can be purchased online.
*** According to TMZ.
****Some celebrities will attempt to pretend like they do not know who you are looking at, but this is just them being coy. Overcome this by winking- or for the keen Celebrity Befriender- lick your lips.
*****Example: Tom Felton (Malfoy- of Harry Potter fame) at the airport: "I thought you only travelled by broom"
******If they do not laugh, simply give them the url for howtodostuffff.blogspot.com - then continue to step 6.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
How To: Be a Guido
1. Get your ass to the gym and get yourself an eight-pack!
2. Go tanning every day*
3. Keep it fresh, only wear clean clothes.
4. Create a catchy name for yourself so everybody knows you're legit**
5. Go clubbing, every night***
6. Know that you are the best out there, and no one can shatter your confidence, so hit on every guidette in the club.
7. If you realize that your guidette is actually, infact a gernade - don't risk ruining your rep, get that bitch away by using as much force necessary, even if it means starting a brawl.
8. If you ever wake up realizing how bad your hangover is, don't deal with it - conquer it by gettin' the drinks out and getting drunk again!
9. Remember, GTL 4 lyfe.
*The oranger the better!
**Such as, The Situation, Pauly-D or Tony the Tiger
***In order to prepare for the club, make sure to wear your pre-shirt during the hours before going out, and put on your club shirt the moment you leave, in order to keep it fresh to death.
2. Go tanning every day*
3. Keep it fresh, only wear clean clothes.
4. Create a catchy name for yourself so everybody knows you're legit**
5. Go clubbing, every night***
6. Know that you are the best out there, and no one can shatter your confidence, so hit on every guidette in the club.
7. If you realize that your guidette is actually, infact a gernade - don't risk ruining your rep, get that bitch away by using as much force necessary, even if it means starting a brawl.
8. If you ever wake up realizing how bad your hangover is, don't deal with it - conquer it by gettin' the drinks out and getting drunk again!
9. Remember, GTL 4 lyfe.
*The oranger the better!
**Such as, The Situation, Pauly-D or Tony the Tiger
***In order to prepare for the club, make sure to wear your pre-shirt during the hours before going out, and put on your club shirt the moment you leave, in order to keep it fresh to death.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
How To: Be a Tourist (inspired by apple and wob)
1) Do not, under any circumstances, attempt to blend in*.
2) Speak loudly in the language of your home country in various crowded places.
3) Speak louder in the language of the country you are currently visiting- everywhere or anywhere you are in earshot of someone who may speak that language. (remember, do not say any actual words in their language- just make up your own words and use the appropriate/inappropriate accent)
4) Buy matching clothes and wear them at the same time**.
5) Always compare your home country to the country you are visiting***.
6) Whilst visiting a tourism capital, you must stand- map open and raised ahead of you- with finger pointed in a westerly direction for over 10 seconds. Or, pull a Joey****.
7) Always listen to Rick*****.
*Ways to do this: Wearing a shirt or pants or underwear that obviously display with large lettering or otherwise bright colours, which country you are actually from. Or, in the same manner of clothing choice, wear the name of the country of which you are in currently- but also wear a hat.
**In public.
***For extra tourist effect, compare loudly (preferrably in a less touristy place) between the countries, and decide that your country does (for example) make better flan.
****Based on the hilarious character Joey Tribiani from the hit television show F.R.I.E.N.D.S- In "The One Where They Go To London" Joey opens a pop up tourist map of London, and proceeds to orient himself by laying it flat on the ground, and standing in the map to see where he is, and where he should go next. You can also call this "going inside the map".
*****Rick Steves. Self explainatory. If not, he's a travel expert who EVERYBODY in europe knows allllll about.
2) Speak loudly in the language of your home country in various crowded places.
3) Speak louder in the language of the country you are currently visiting- everywhere or anywhere you are in earshot of someone who may speak that language. (remember, do not say any actual words in their language- just make up your own words and use the appropriate/inappropriate accent)
4) Buy matching clothes and wear them at the same time**.
5) Always compare your home country to the country you are visiting***.
6) Whilst visiting a tourism capital, you must stand- map open and raised ahead of you- with finger pointed in a westerly direction for over 10 seconds. Or, pull a Joey****.
7) Always listen to Rick*****.
*Ways to do this: Wearing a shirt or pants or underwear that obviously display with large lettering or otherwise bright colours, which country you are actually from. Or, in the same manner of clothing choice, wear the name of the country of which you are in currently- but also wear a hat.
**In public.
***For extra tourist effect, compare loudly (preferrably in a less touristy place) between the countries, and decide that your country does (for example) make better flan.
****Based on the hilarious character Joey Tribiani from the hit television show F.R.I.E.N.D.S- In "The One Where They Go To London" Joey opens a pop up tourist map of London, and proceeds to orient himself by laying it flat on the ground, and standing in the map to see where he is, and where he should go next. You can also call this "going inside the map".
*****Rick Steves. Self explainatory. If not, he's a travel expert who EVERYBODY in europe knows allllll about.
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