How To: Drink Guinness

1. Go to Ireland*
2. Go to an IRISH Pub
3. Stand in the doorway for about 10 minutes.
4. Turn around because there is too many old people
5. Go to a different pub and turn around because there is too many people
6. Go to a third pub and stay there**
7. Go to the bartender and ask "what's the crack??"***
8. Before he can even answer, ask for a pint****
9. While (s)he is pouring, make sure to make noises*****
as you judgmentally assess their pour.
10. Once the sweet nectar has been served. Refuse to touch it until it has turned black like the plague.******
11. Take your first sip.
12. SPIT IT OUT
13. Take another sip.
14. SPIT IT OUT onto the oulde man next to you
15. Exclaim "this is not class!"*******
16. Run.



*More specifically, tell people you've been to Ireland
**At this point, it doesn't really matter because you just want your Guinness
***Not to be confused with "where do I get crack?"
****Of Guinness
*****Noises such as: hmmm, AHHHHH, WOAAAH buddy, ooooh, etc.
******Actually it's really really dark Amber
*******Horses are class