How To: Look the Coolest on Twitter

1) Go to: twitter.com
2) From twitter.com, join, and give yourself a badass username*
3) Once your name is badassy enough, make sure you follow everyone you personally know who has twitter.
4) Start following celebrities.**
5) At every opportunity, mention a celebrity in your tweet***
6) Take a sexy**** photo of yourself and use it as your profile pic.
7) With this photo, you will definitely attract many people to your page. Ensure that you keep them occupied*****
8) Use every time you go on twitter to make your life seem more interesting than it actually is.
9) Twitter is the coolest thing since sliced bread/facebook, so make sure everyone knows you have it! Handwrite letters to all of your friends and send them through the post!******

*such as: "howtodostuffff" or "shellyyyy" or "supgurl81" or "followme&1'LLgiveumY#;)" or "Oprah"
**Don't follow celebrities who are out of your league, if you add celebrities who are out of your league, people will not think you are actually friends with them.
***ex: "if only @TheEllenShow knew how to do stuff too..."
****NO NUDITY. NO. ONE. WANTS. TO. SEE. YO. BUM. OLEY.
*****Update them on evvvvverrryyything. No matter is too private, no location is too secret. If you are on pandora and mating with the blue giants or if you are downtown at the starbucks on the corner on robson st... YOUR FOLLOWERS MUST BE AWARE!
******They will be so amazed by this feat of prehistoric messaging, that they will join twitter, and follow you and only you out of sheer awe and inspiration!