How To: Look Cool at a Sporting Event

1) Sporting Event = an event wherein humans compete against one another in organized competition. With, or without balls.*
2) The best way to look cool at a sporting event is to begin weeks in advance. Planning is essential.
3) Make signs that draw attention to yourself, and not the event you are watching.** Ideas for signs include: "I WANNA BE ON SPORTSNET" or "I'm a fanatic 4 U!" or "We're/I'm Single!!" or "don't worry, you can score on me any day!"
4) Practice using sports jargon in your every day speech.***
5) Paint self in both teams colors. If you do this, then after the game if your team does not win, you may not be beaten up by fellow specators who think you were cheering for the team who lost.
6) Purchase as many noisemakers as possible. i.e trumpets, foghorns and general horns.
7) Once at the game only cheer for the winning team.****
8) If anyone asks why you're there, tell them you took a wrong turn on the highway and this is where you ended up.*****

*individual sports such as swimming (Micheal Phelps!!!!) or figure skating (Patrick Chan!!! = homosexual?...) are included. Ping pong is especially included.
**This way, if there are camera crews, or especially attractive people, they will film/see you. Making you appear very cool to all.
***Ex for Basketball: "I am positive that I scored a trifecta on that exam... I was unsure whether to turnover the back page, but I boxed the idea out of my mind and took myself downtown to give that unkind fellow at the coffee shop another foul shot... he will not mistreat my double double again..."
****Unless you want to cheer for the losing team... actually, just cheer for the team everyone else is cheering for.
*****or, tell them you're boyfriend/girlfriend is the MVP