How To: Fail a Drivers Test

1) Lock self out of car
2) Once in car, compliment driving assessor with something like "have you been dieting?"*
3) Turn key, and also stereo. This will ensure that the driving assessor cannot hear you when you begin cussing when you hit stuff en route.
4) Whilst the volume is fully turned up, begin telling your life story**
5) Ensure that life story has many tear jerking moments, as well as hilarity and many dramatic pauses and stanzas. ***
6) Speed alot. Especially through park/school zones.
7) Collide with things at random.**
8) Run multiple stop signs and red lights.**
9) At this point, the driving assessor will most likely have realized that you have been mega distracting him with your life story/the "fly beets" that you have been "cranking" throughout your trip, so now they will be quite angry with you. However, they will not lecture you, they will just write stuff down with a huffy breath. At this point, freaking out and getting nervous is applicable.
10) Repeat steps 6-8****
11) Once back at starting point, you will then be notified of your failure.
12) Pout.*****

*response will be something along the lines of "why do you think I have been dieting?" and you will then respond with a cheery, "no reason, I just assumed you probably should be." (cue smile)
**Do not shoulder check at any cost.
***You may lie if your life is that boring.
****After speeding through one more school/park zone, you may now begin to tell your deepest darkest secrets to the assessor. And then remind them that now they can't fail you. That will go over very well.
*****Disclosure: crying is for sissy's.