How To: Win Over Your Cat

1) If you have just began to live with a cat, or you are a long time cat sitter, or you generally live with a cat, you know that you do not own your cat. Kitty owns you.
2) To win over your cat, you must first realize that kitty will never fully love you. They will appreciate you sometimes (ie. when you feed them) but generally, your cat just ignores you. So, make sure that you are always in their face.*
3) Pet/snuggle often. Even if your kitty attempts to escape, remind yourself that you are bigger and stronger (most likely)**.
4) Let kitty go outside whenever kitty pleases.
5) Hang around the screen door so that when your cat comes to it (wanting to come in), you will let them in immediately. Afterwards, follow it wherever they go, ensuring that they are aware that it was you who let them in.
6) Have conversations*** frequently.
7) If none of these suggestions help, you must now cover yourself in Catnip and go outside onto the street (to a neighbourhood with many cats).
8) When other cats arrive to hang out with you, ensure that your kitty is in sight.
9) Your cat will most likely become jealous, which will most likely result in a cat fight****.
10) When fighting finally ceases, walk off into the sunset with your cat. This will officially win your kitty over as cats love happy endings.

*always being around your cat will force kitty to take notice of you in a big way. That way, they can't ignore you.
**Remind yourself often that kitty is probably more scared of you than you are of it.
***Allow your cat to speak often, you do not want to trouble kitty with your melodrama.
****Literally.