How To: Write a Seductive Letter

1) Find someone attractive* enough to write a letter to
2) Once said attractive* person has been located, find paper and pen.**
3) Begin describing their beauty. Ex: "You are excessively attractive. I am unworthy. But I must be alright since you are reading this, so therefore, we should totes d8."
4) Describe what you think about them. Ex: "I think that I might begin to stalking you. Don't worry, it's not that creepy, I'm just watching you sleep. Edward Cullen does it all the time."
5) Playfully threaten them. Ex: "If you don't want to d8 me it's okay, i'll just die alone. Wait, who am I kidding, you're coming with me right? haha lolz. roflcopter. lolocaust. get it?"
6) Talk about your strong points***. Ex: Self Esteem.
7) Once you have completed your letter, you must sign your name with a seductive/mysterious pen name.****
8) And a artistic heart after your pen name will complete the letter, and send your "letter reciever" into a frenzy.

*vital for effective poeticness. if said "letter reciever" is unnattractive/grannie like, letter will lack in seductiveness (ex. your stupid face makes me want to run you over with the ride on lawn mower, so i can share you with everybody)
**Ability to write is needed. If you cannot, buy yourself an iphone and download the "learn how to write" application.
***DO NOT COMPLAIN ABOUT YOUR SHORTCOMINGS. it will make you appear needy/super lame.
****A pen name that is the name of an already famous author will give you ultimate seductive qualities as well as badassness and credibility*****
*****Ex: Tim O'Brien - acclaimed vietnam war author, Carolyn Bergmann - author of "The Common Sense Guide to Parenting Teens", Henry Spencer Ashbee- erotic novelist.