How To: Be Shaq

1) Grow*
2) Eat alot ** and work out
3) Start playing basketball
4) Don't allow basketball to take over your life. Spread your 7'5 wingspan*** and try new things!
5) Become a rapper/actor/reality star and create such shows as "Shaq Vs." where you take on measley professionals (e.g. boxing) half your size and completely own the shiz out of them****
6) Ensure MTV Cribs is aware of your Superman obsession (i.e. the Superman Bed)
7) Since you are a very busy giant, do not worry about leaving basketball practice before the free throw session*****
8) Just because Steve Nash****** plays for the Pheonix Suns too, doesn't mean he can MVP you. Just take him on, one on one, on your new reality show!
9) Make a rap about Kobe Bryant. It'll be really interesting and thought provoking and everyone will love you for it.
10) According to Wikipedia, you now make $21,000,000 a year. Better start a fashion/modelling career while you can!*******

*7'1 is desired height
**This will ensure that you will grow to desired weight (325 lbs)
***Wingspan = the length of Shaquille O'Neal's arms when he stands like a magestic eagle
****allowable expressions for "completely own the shiz out of them" include expressions from previous post "How To: Become a Gamer"
***** The team/fans won't care too much if you miss a few free throws, right?
****** Steve Nash: Puny (6'3) Canadian (white) Basketball player from Victoria (silly little town you could wipe out if you sneezed)
*******We suggest you name your fashion label "Can't Look Away (I take up the whole screen) by Shaquille O'Neal"